How Zach got his groove back
by Bond.Jane
Summary: Zach feels lonely and places an add on one of those dating websites... forget about the ending of season 3. I'm still not ready to live in a Bones World without Zach!


Test

The add read:

"Single, male, 27 years old. Above average IQ, lower than average social skills seeks dream girl to teach him all about lovemaking"

Zacharoni172

Zach had calculated the statistic probability of his add producing satisfactory results. The website had 2736 registered users in the DC area. Based on demographic representativeness, 58 of those were women. He was hoping for someone in his age group. According to statistics on the CIA world fact file, that accounted for 27.5 of the registered number of females. Factor in personality, personal preferences, number of available males on the afore mentioned website and making allowances for unaccounted variables, Zach was pretty certain that at the very least one female within the same age bracket would be interested in him. He just hoped to God that she wouldn't be too ugly, stupid or Naomi from Palaeontology. He decided to hope for the best case scenario- that a few would reply to his add.

He hadn't told anyone: Angela seemed to have her tongue permanently down Hodgins' throat. Dr, Saroyan… well, she was the boss and, quite frankly, intimidating and Dr Brennan, well, just down right not a chance – she had been his first grown up flame, that is, until Agent Booth had come along. And the greater man had won her heart. Scratch that! The taller man, the man with the better muscular definition had won her heart.

His mental calculation was interrupted by the new message alert blinking next to his log in on the website. He smiled sliding his arm slowly towards the mouse, scrolling down the page to the OPEN button, savouring the anticipation of that first message, qui saes, the future love of life. He opened the message:  
"Does that mean u retarded?"

PussinBoots

The smile died on his face. That was… anticlimactic! A second message in! Figuring the law of probabilities was on his side, he opened the message:

"Give it up already, stupid!"

CheekyGirl19

Deflated and feeling sorry for himself, Zach turned his attention to the charred remains that currently occupied the central table in the platform. His mind computed simultaneously where is calculations regarding the add had gone wrong and catalogued the fractures, trauma indications and stress markers visible on the remains.

Before logging off for the day, Zach spared one final hopeful look to his profile on the website. New Message. He opened it fully expecting another load of unkind expletives. Instead, he read:  
"Zacharoni

I think we may be a good match. I liked the honesty of your add and I think that I would like to meet you. I will be at the Blue Squirrel until 8.30pm. You will recognize me by the white rose inside a book.

TinkerBell

"Wow". Zach couldn't move. His face was paralysed in shock and amazement. "Oh. My. God." And as his body restarted its normal functions: "I have a date!" He checked the time. 6.45pm. "Oh my God! What of she leaves?" He got up from his station and his stool fell backwards. He spared it a surprised glance and ran towards the door. Then, on a second thought, went back for his bag and called a cab.

He made it to the Blue Squirrel at 7.45. Traffic was a nightmare, which only bothered him that particular evening. He scanned the room from the door to the funky restaurant/bar. His eyes were drawn to a petitte brunette with long flowing black hair. He couldn't see her face from where he was standing , but the tell tale book with the white rose inside sat on her table. He moved towards her, carefully avoiding the small clusters of people and their beer glasses. He skirted around the table until he was facing her. She was concentrating on a collection of small pieces of paper filled with handwritten poems, a plate of food forgotten in front of her. He took in her slim hands- the left with a wide ring on her thumb; the cleavage- she did not lack definition on her sexual indicators; and a pair of red unpainted lips that were moving as if she were mumbling something. This was definitely not Naomi from Palaeontology. Oh happy day! And then she lifted a pair of inquisitive olive black eyes that stared right into his. He felt like he was staring into the event horizon of two black wholes. He was drawn in. It took her a full two seconds to smile back at him. To Zach, it felt like two hours. He blurted out:  
"The perception of time can be distorted by perceptions of emotional nature…" He hadn't even concluded his introductory speech when he realized it was a completely moronic thing to say. But it was too late. She smiled.

"I'm sure you're Zacharoni. I'm TinkerBell" He merely nodded, seemingly incapable of coherent speech, his mouth slightly agape.

"Take a seat, Zacharoni… what does 172 stand for?

"Huh… my IQ. My name is Zachary. Zach for short. Zacharoni is what Dr Saroyan calls me at work. That's because I like macaroni and cheese so much. What is our real name? and you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, by the way!" The words were tumbling out of his mouth faster that the speed of light- and he wasn't even aware of it.. He was a bundle of frayed nerves and he was absolutely sure he would spoil his chances in a micro second if he kept going on like a humanoid on a bad sci-fi film.. So he decided that the wisest course of action would be to shut up.

"Wow, Zachary, Zach for short, how can you breath when you go on as fast as you do?"

Zach was about to embark on an explanation on the workings of the vocal chords and the larynx when TinkerBell raised her hand.

"It was a rhetorical question… It's so nice to meet you, Zach. I was afraid I had chatted up another stud wannabe…" Zach was still holding on to his silence strategy, standing in front of her, his hands alongside his body- like a pole waiting for May.

"Aren't you going to sit? My neck is starting to ache from looking up…" He sat, never taking his eyes from hers. My name is Catarina. I'm half Cuban, a quarter American and a quarter Italian. I'm not sure what my IQ is, but I'm not terribly worried. And your eyes are very, very pretty" So he did the only thing he could do: he fell in love with her right there and then. The rest was incidental. He had done his research on Tinker Bell. He could not see why she had chosen that name, but was sure that it connected to her in some way, but decided against asking. He would check with Angela or Hodgins first, as he had no wish to make a fool of himself. Instead, he concentrated on the pieces of paper in her hands.

"Oh, these are poems. I'm a lit major and I usually carry around bits of what I'm working on…"

"Ah, that's handy… I couldn't carry around bits of what I'm working on. It would compromise the remains and I'm sure Dr Brennan would kill me if I did."  
"Remains of what?"

"Of dead bodies… I'm a forensic anthropologist… I… I mean… we study dead bodies and we identify them through what's left of them. We figure out what happened, how they died… we are very good at what we do… we are the ones called when there is not much lft of them… sometimes only sludge or burned pieces or…" But he was interrupted.

"Zachary, I'm having dinner here. What you do sounds very important and valid, but maybe we can save that bit of the conversation for latter, ok?"

Zach's eyes brightened up. So there would be a later! Score!

"Who is Dr Brennan??"  
"I was her grad student and now I'm her assistant, she is the best in the field so I'm very lucky to work with her."  
"Is she as smart as you?"  
"I never asked what's her IQ, but she is very intelligent. And pretty."  
"Are you in love with her?"!  
"No!" he said with a bit of excessive enthusiasm. Catarina gave him a measuring look.

"Well, if you aren't now, you were already, Zach. I'm never wrong about these things." Zach was at a loss. He didn't know how to get back on track with her.

"Zach, it's all good! I didn't expect you to be born today just for me!"

"I'm not entirely sure what that means… but I've been known to be a bit of an imbecile in social occasions. Plus, I'm no good with metaphors… I apologise profusely!" She was giggling.

"Zach, if you hadn't been born I wish I could have invented you for my first novel. And yes, that is a compliment." And Zach relaxed. "Are you after having some dinner, then?"

"I suppose I could have burger"  
"So, tell me about your add.." Catarina asked after the order had been placed. "I thought that if you could come up with such a great pick up line, I might as well meet you, but I'm starting to think that it was ALL true"

"Well, Angela told me to tell the truth. Hodgins wanted to give me some tutorial videos, but Angela said the truth was better."

"Good advice… what did Dr Brennan say?"

"Oh, nothing! I didn't ask her. But I wish she could have taught me a few things" Zach said absently. At this, Catarina laughed whole heartedly. To Zach, it was a sound much like good crystal breaking- a clear and cheerful sound. His heart went to the floor, picking up piece after piece of that crystalline laughter. His mouth ran away with him again:

"I think you have the most beautiful laughter I have ever seen or heard!"  
"You haven't met a lot of women, have you Zach?"

"Well… no." and he rolled his eyes to his hands, breaking contact with her eyes. "I've met my mum, my three sisters, Angela, Dr Brennan, Naomi from Palaeontology…" Catarina had been listening to him enumerating acquaintances with her chin supported in her right hand, entranced with his uncanny ability for embarrassing truths about himself.. She reached out with her left hand and touched his face slowly marking his skin with her heat. Her wrist smelled like flowers and her fingers were light as rain.

"Well, Zach, I like you so much! Do you think I can trust you with my heart?"

"I'm not sure what that means… exactly… but if you explain… or I can ask Angela. Angela always explains things very clearly."

"It's ok, Zach, we can figure this one out on our own. Come, dance with me!" Zach looked around.

"There is no one dancing."  
"So?"  
"I'm feeling a bit self conscious about dancing. I was told I look like a puppet in a hurricane…" Catarina stretched her small hand to him.

"It's ok. I'll teach you" Zach would have done just about anything if she looked at him gain like that, like she could read all his thoughts at once. He was led to the dance floor. She went to the disc jockey and said something in his ear. A Latin music filed the Blue Squirrel. Zach stood absolutely still, mesmerized by her undulating body. He arms raised in the air, her hips that seemed to have a life of their own swinging rhythmically left and right, her bum tracing circles in the air.. She kept her eyes firm on his during her movements.

"Dance with me Zach!" And she put her hands on his hips as if holding him steady and, by means of gentle pressure, made him move, mirroring her body. She took a step forward obliterating the space between them, always keeping her hands on him, his heat spreading to her, irradiating slowly up her arms. Her right hands slid back to his bottom and cupped it, pressing him forward towards her. Zach wondered briefly is she intended to create vacuum between them. Close as they were, she whispered in his ear:  
"Let go Zach… surrender to me" An incredible warmth spread through him, originating from his earlobe all the way to his toes. His body reacted violently to her. Catarina noticed it and offered her lips to him. He took them unashamedly with more vigour than expertise.. When the song was over she made to move towards the table but Zach stood still in place.

"I don't think I can walk right now, Catarina," he said embarrassed.

"It's ok. Just think about your grandma or something like that. It helps" and her eyes twinkled in a mixture of pleasure and mischief.

"Come on, lets get out of here."

Catarina did not drive. So they walked home. But her door was passed without no more than a second of hesitation on her part. They both wanted only that the night would go on forever. They felt comfortable in each other's presence. Zach felt understood which was something that did not happen often outside the very restricted circle of the lab. Catarina felt all her protective instincts kick into gear and her heart sang when she managed to elaborate on her thoughts about her beloved poets, her theories, her hopes, her plans for her novel without interruptions from someone anxious to jump into her panties. They walked and talked until the sun rose, tinting the sky first with purple, then pink and bright blue. They had breakfast sitting in a park, huddled together in the in the crisp breeze of the morning. By 8am, Zach felt like he had known her all his life. His lips still had the heat of their first kiss. He wanted to prolong that magical night. Hell, he wanted a lot more kisses. But it was time to go back to work.

So he did the first out of character thing in his whole life: he picked up his cell and called in sick, Catarina giggling happily in the background.

On the other side of the line, Angela thought with a smile _Well, well, well… our little one is all grown up!_

Page 4 of 4


End file.
